I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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