I never want to see another naked old woman again.
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
Four minutes until I can fart!
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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