i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Randomize
