Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
