i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
