could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
