Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
Randomize
