i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
