We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
