Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
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