Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
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