Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
We are all done wearing pants today
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
