I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
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