Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
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