The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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