So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
