It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
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We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
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Except there is my pee all over the walls now
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
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