Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
