can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Randomize
