Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
