Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
i will never coherently bang her
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
