when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Randomize
