We named our party play list daddy issues
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Randomize
