What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Randomize
