I want to walk on stilts...naked
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
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