yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Randomize
