Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Randomize
