Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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