Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Randomize
