I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
