Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
Randomize
