Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Randomize
