Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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