I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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