he puts the penis in happiness.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
