Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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