I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
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