My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
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