how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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