I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
Randomize
