we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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