Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
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