So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
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