From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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