At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Randomize
