I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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