Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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