Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
this hospital has no fireball
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Randomize
