i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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