i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
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