i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
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