I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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