nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
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On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
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Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
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