I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Randomize
