so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Randomize
