i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
my shit smells like andre
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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