I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
