So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Randomize
