I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
The Olympian is in my bed
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Randomize
