i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
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getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
I will be naked everywhere
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I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
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