I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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