FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
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