Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Randomize
