Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Randomize
