the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
