its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
