just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Randomize
