we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
