If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Randomize