Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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