I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
