hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
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