so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
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