We won't sleep together?
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
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