I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
