I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
