I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
Hippo gnu deer
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
