I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
