I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
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