so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
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