it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
